How to Fill the Well as a Writer

New York Times bestselling author Joan Johnston talks about the need for writers to "give yourself the opportunity to fill the well so you have something to write about," in the latest issue of Romance Writers Report. I found this so inspiring. Writers cave up, have endless deadlines, and tell victory stories about how many days in a row it's been since they've showered. Many of us, no matter our endeavors, stick our noses to the grindstones and then proudly compare how little nose we have left.

Stop it. Fill the well. Writers, if the only world you have to write about is the Bermuda Triangle of your desk-couch-fridge, I'm sorry but that book is not going to sell. Everyone else, you know you need to go have a good time.

Here are ways I like to #fillthewell. I've included A TON of links. I hope they help you discover your own inspiration!

Museums

I'm a huge fan of museum gazing in the winter time because you get shelter, exercise, and inspiration for a modest price. Here in the D.C.-area, where we have an embarrassment of museum riches, many of our museums are free. A friend and I recently went to the Smithsonian's Freer|Sackler, which has an incredible collection of Asian art. There we saw Buddhas and Chinese wine cups and dazzling Indian jewelry and the beautifully carved heads of pharaohs. Did you know that some Buddhists venerated a Lord of Burning Desire? I didn't either. But that's the kind of useful inspiration you can get when you go to your local museum.

Aizen Myoo, the Lord of Burning Desire, “avatar of sacred lust...recognizes and emphasizes the disruptive power of sexual passion” against evil.

Volunteering

My responsibilities as a volunteer force me to step away from my writer's desk and provide that glow that comes with giving time instead of getting paid for it. I've served as a docent at the Hillwood Museum in northwest D.C. for a year and that beautiful house and gardens have provided so much inspiration. I've learned a ton about strong women who can buy their own fancy houses, about the joy of sharing what you know with others, and about the pleasure of strolling through a greenhouse dripping with orchids and pretending -- just for a second -- that it belongs to you. 

Tomorrow come celebrate the oncoming spring with La Chandeleur or Crepe Day at Hillwood. Enjoy crepes, decorate your own version of priceless porcelain, and let me show you some of our incredible French treasures when I give a family-focused gallery talk at 10:30 and tours at 11:30 and 1:30. Come join me!

Booze

I want to insert this in here before I give the impression that I only enjoy heady pursuits. I like booze. I like to learn about the origin and creation of various alcohols, I like to read about burgeoning alcohol trends, I like to experiment with my own concoctions, and I like to have long-winded conversations about how cocktails are made. And I like to drink them. One of my favorite places to do all of the above is the Dogwood Tavern. Dogwood is the kind of place where the bartenders remember you, remember your drink of choice, make it spectacularly, and whip up a concoction with you if you catch them when it's slow. They'll also give you a pleasing nickname if you're a regular. Ours is "Angeleter."

Drew's Bulleit Rye Old-Fashioned

Wine

I also enjoy wine. This is my stepfather's fault. In 2009, my parents bought a 6.5-acre property in Sonoma County's Russian River Valley and started Gantz Family Vineyards. Suddenly I, who'd had a passing interest in wine, was part of a family that grew Pinot Noir grapes in one of the premiere Pinot Noir regions in the country. Things got much, much worse when they asked me to help them market the vineyard, and suddenly I had to learn about wine and winegrape growing in order to be able to communicate vaguely intelligently about it for their website and social media. This window into this incredible world helped inspire my latest book, The Billionaire's Prince, and the follow-up book that I'll begin in February. Here in D.C., my go-to spot for getting educated (and inspired) about wine is the the Capital Wine School. I rave more about it here.

Gantz Family Vineyards

Friends

I love my husband and my kids and my family. But I would be nothing without my friends. My friends are a wonderful pressure valve from the rest of my life, and whether they provide me tips on the writing industry or help me understand my kids better or share in a laugh and a glass of wine, they inspire me and help calm me so I can be open to inspiration. Some of my dearest friends can inspire you, too!

• Parenting coach Paige Trevor - Paige and I bonded over a shared love of this Jonathan Rhys Meyers lip bite 15 years ago and we've never looked back. Through classes, seminars, and one-on-one sessions, she helps parents understand the connection between an organized house and a calm and content family. As a Certified Parent Educator with PEP, Paige has trained over 1500 parents in the Washington, D.C.- area. Her weekly blog, Nifty Tips, is a funny, heartfelt, tough-love dose of realistic parenting advice.

• Author Sharon Wray - Sharon is the most generous soul I know, and a large portion of the romance writing world would agree with me. Sharon is a fount of selfless information and good cheer and believed in me as a writer when I didn't believe in myself. Her book, Every Deep Desire, a genre-bending romantic suspense reunion story set in Georgia swamps that hide a deeper, darker world, will come out on March 6.

• Life coach Wendy Reed - Wendy is the dear friend who introduced me to the concept of "living with intention." Living with intention means you live life proactively -- you choose to pursue a career as a creative professional or flirt more with your husband or be patient with your children -- rather than living life reactively, getting batted along the path that life chooses. Wendy is now taking this philosophy into her work as a professional life coach, helping people discover their own intentional life and then helping them figure out how to make it a reality.

Podcasts

Not all of my filling of the well is done out and about. I spend an impressive amount of time luxuriating in my pajamas and yoga pants. Podcasts give me inspiration when I'm emptying the dishwasher or walking the dog. My three recent favorites are:

• The Thirst Aid Kit - "Thirsting," as used by these brilliant hosts, is the act of desiring, crushing, lusting from afar that women do so well. This podcast honors that thirst -- an act that has sustained the movie industry and keeps the publishing industry afloat -- with intelligent, diversity-aware, and screamingly funny conversations about the people we thirst for and why.

• Girl in Space - Girl in Space is an audio drama about a girl in space, written and performed by a girl. This act should not seem so revolutionary. And yet this podcast has such a unique, interesting, wise, and funny point of view of sci-fi and space travel and story telling that it does seem revolutionary.

• The Wicked Wallflowers Club - I have been endlessly tweeting about this new podcast devoted to taking the shame out of romance reading. As I've said endlessly on Twitter, this podcast is like grabbing a coffee with your favorite author and smartest friends and talking about what makes romance novels great.

Please share your favorite ways to #FillTheWell in the comment box below. Fill free to include links, too, if you've got them. I love sharing the inspiration!

How To Throw A Lip Sync Party

Lip Sync Fever 2016

The art of miming a vocal performance has risen like a phoenix from the ashes of Milli Vanilli's lip-sync scandal to become a badge of honor for celebrities who win lip-sync competitions on Jimmy Fallon and Lip Sync Battle (and no, Channing Tatum is not going too far in this video).

You are invited to a winner-take-all lip sync battle party on Sat., Feb. 27. Doors open at 7. Performances start at 8.

So began the phenomenal invite from my husband that lured all of our friends to our house three weeks ago -- and saved me from having to write a blog intro.

There was a lot of work that went into making this party a success -- and every second was worth it! Here's a how-to list that I hope will make it a little easier for you to get your Milli Vanilli on. 

1. Get Inspired

Watch this:

2. Vet your friends

It's hard to "perform" in front of people. And I had no interest in throwing a party that none of our friends wanted to attend. So before we sent out the invites, we asked close friends if a lip sync party -- where every attendee had to perform -- was a party they were interested in. We were shocked that 95 percent of our friends said yes. 

3. Decide on "the rules"

The loosy-gooseyness of most parties doesn't work for a lip sync party. It's only fun if your guests are committed and engaged. So we made it mandatory that everyone:

• Perform
• Contribute $5 for a winner-take-all grand prize.
• Show up in time for the first performance. 

We were very demanding. People loved it. Click below to get a handy-dandy copy of the rest of my husband's rules.

4. Send your invite with lots of lead time

Make sure to give your friends lots of time to choose a song and practice their routines. And keep your invite list relatively small. With about 35 guests and only 14 performances, it still took us three hours to get through all of them. 

5. Start practicing your routine

Expectations of the host's performance will be high. Start practicing early. Here's a snippet of mine. The song is "Velcro" by Clairity. And I post this with a trembling finger and nervous sweat. Be kind:

Some tips to make your routine a success:

1. Know the words. People can tell when you don't.
2. Dress up. Whether it's a costume or just an out-of-the-ordinary look for you, wearing something different makes it easier to play your goofy role.
3. Bring a friend. It is MUCH easier to perform with a friend or friends acting as backup dancers, taking over some of the lyrics, or playing air guitar. My husband jumped on stage for the last chorus of my song and did my dance routine with me. I had so much respect for the people who went up there by themselves.
4. Use props. Our entire backroom was filled with tubs of stuff people had brought to make their performances shine.
5. Up the ante. Regardless whether you use costumes, props, or a surprise guest (Beyoncé!!), do something to up the ante as you perform the song. 

6. Decide on a stage. 

We rented a 8-by-12 foot stage from a local party store, who dropped off the stage the day of the party and picked it up on Monday. Those eights inches off the floor did make a difference -- it felt like a true performance. But there's no need to go quite so big. Just make sure to delineate a space large enough for groups to perform and performers to dance.

7. Figure out the sound system.

It's ideal if people can send you their song ahead of time so you can just cue it up in Apple Music, Spotify, or a similar subscription music service. But some people will want to keep their songs close to the vest, so make sure to have a jack where people can plug in their phone or computer. Also make sure your speaker system is loud enough to be heard over the hooting, hollering, and the fact that some people confuse it with karaoke.

8. Buy the booze, beer, and food. Buy tequila.

Liquid courage is the name of the game, so buy alcohols -- like tequila -- that people can get down quickly. We bought six large bottles of wine, four red and two white, and no one touched them. Beer and booze. Food. Tequila. Don't forget the limes.

9. Gather money and performance times.

As guests arrive, gather their $5, ask when they'd like to perform and, if you don't already know, get their song. Some want to go first. Some want to close out the night. First come, first served in this scenario. Create a list of everyone's name and song, which will become the emcees cheat sheet for calling performers to the stage and the ballot at the end of the night. 

And then invite everyone to grab a drink, grab their courage, and get ready for some magic.

Like this: 

Shakira "Hips Don't Lie"

Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" as Bernie Sanders

And this:

My favorite part of the night was when guests thanked me and my husband by sitting us in front of the stage and performing "We Are The World" to us.

What song are you going to lip sync at your next lip sync party? 

Resolving to Find the Fun in 2016

Me in 2014.

2015 kind of sucked for me.

I dealt with painful "getting old" back and leg issues, my son was immersed in junior/senior year stress (and we all went along for that ride), and my Dad died. There were many blessings, too: a trip to Vegas, a great writing conference, new clients (yay!), and the continued health and contentment of most of my family.

But in 2016, I want to focus on being happy again. I believe happiness takes a certain level of mindfulness, and I want to be mindful of discovering joy, rather than passively suffering through the misery. At my age, I know joy doesn't consist of just vacations and mani/pedis. True joy is found in your day-to-day, in taking care of your family, partnership, health, work, friends and home.

So, to succeed in this year's theme -- "Find the Fun" -- these are the New Year's resolutions I've made to be responsible for my happiness and to kick the blahs out the door. I only succeed when I'm held accountable, which is why I'm posting them here. I'll blog again in February about how I'm doing.

Family resolution

I resolve to create more moments when we can be together as a family. 

It's amazing, when your children are teenagers, how easy it is to live with people that you never connect with. We're home together a lot, but the boys are working as hard as I am on "the future," and when we're not working, we're relaxing on devices -- I'm as bad as they are. I'm trying to keep this resolution simple, i.e.. accomplishable: I'm resolving to eat more meals at the table and to plan one event a month that gets us out of the house together. I've already got this month's event on the calendar: We're going to the Harper Macaw chocolate factory tour in northeast D.C. Could there be a better lure? And yes, there will be a blog.

Marriage resolution

I resolve to find one new adult event to explore every month with my husband.

My man's a blast, he's pretty much up for anything with only mild convincing, and we have a lot of fun together. But with the stress of last year, we went out less and less, and when we did go out, it was generally to the same place. We both enjoy life with a few surprises, so in 2016, I'm committed to finding the Kennedy Center performances, bourbon tastings and hiking trails that will offer them.

Health resolution

I resolve to feel better.

Resolutions about weight and health are rife with controversy, and I thought long and hard about how to phrase this one. But the thing is, I don't feel good at the weight I am. I think it's hard on my frame. The end of last year was a "eat-and-drink-my-pain" fiesta and in the four days that I've been eating better, exercising every day, drinking more water and cutting back on alcohol, I already feel better. The proof is in the pudding, even when I can't have any.

Work resolution

I resolve to post to social media every day, skill build two hours a week, blog every week, and make a certain amount every month.

As a busy social media manager who helps my solopreneur and small business clients learn, plan and post their social media, I forget to do my own learning and planning and posting. The prime directive I give to all my clients is to take control of their marketing and messaging. And yet, I can let my messaging passively dribble out, too. However, with a child soon in college and a directive about how much I have to make in 2016 from my financial planner, my business and income is something I can no longer be passive about. Need help with your social media resolutions? That's what I'm here for.

Friends resolution

I resolve to entertain more and be more entertaining.

Oh, my lovely friends. Does it feel like your digits are gathering dust on my phone? Friends and their information, advice, laughter and love inject a huge dose of fun into my life, and I will use the excuse, "I'm sooooo busy," no longer. I've already got a couple of gatherings at our house planned -- look for your invite -- but I'm also going to remind myself that seeing my friends does not have to be a production. Over coffee, with a glass of wine, or during a joint trip to Target is a great time to enjoy my friends.

Home resolution 

I resolve to do what our financial planner says.

While being in our 40s doesn't make my husband and I feel any closer to adulthood, we are trying to behave like adults. We finally met with a financial planner at the end of last year, and she has given us our marching orders. It's calming to know we're driving down the road of our financial future with our eyes wide open, rather than squinted shut while hoping everything is going to be okay. It's also nice to know someone is there to help us handle the dips, rises and inevitable potholes. 

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What are your resolutions for 2016? Do you have any suggestions to help me with mine? Please comment below. I need all the help I can get.

And please check in again in February to see how I'm doing. 

How to Throw a Comfort Food Dinner Party

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In the spring and summer, I advocate easy entertaining. Throw a six pack in the cooler, some chicken and zucchini on the grill and you're good to go. But the advent of fall beckons us indoors. Lures us into sweaters and snuggling into the couch and eating foods that are oh-so-bad for us. So I find myself wanting to take my time with a fall dinner party. I want to create a setting that makes my friends want to linger; cook foods that will compel us to stick around the dinner table while we digest.

Fall, then, is an ideal time to prepare comfort food, the fatty, buttery, bacony dishes our moms made that now occupy the menu of every hip restaurant in the country. While I champion taking your time with this Comfort Food dinner party, I also offers ways you can shave a little time off the top. I'm not responsible for what happens to your waist.

1. Prep and planning

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Apron by Dr. McNinja creator, Christopher Hastings

Fall is a good time to begin using the dining table again, so limit your invite list to the number of people you can fit around it. Sending everyone an email is fine. Do your grocery shopping the day before the party. Try to reserve party day for just decorating and food cooking. Sounds extravagant? Trust me, if one partner can be responsible for driving kids to baseball, walking the dog and grabbing lunch, and the other partner can get Zen with the party duties, both partners will be less flustered when guests start knocking at the door.

Time-saving tool: Peapod. I let this grocery delivery service deliver the bulk of my groceries and then head to a specialty market for items like fresh-baked desserts or stand-out salad fixings.

2. Decorating

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I used to go overboard decorating for dinner parties, but now I have three secret weapons: Candles, flowers and white plates. White plates create a clean canvas for all that delicious food. Candles can be used in the middle of the table (judiciously so they don't get in the way of food passing or conversation) and in the living room. And inexpensive grocery store flowers in appropriate fall colors add a touch of pizzazz. I know it doesn't sound like much, but taking your time setting up these three details before guests arrive will enhance the sense that it's a special night at your house. 

Time-saving tool: Placemats are an inexpensive and quick way to add flair to your table. The ones I use are from Ikea and cost $3. I also have them in black and silver.  

3. Menu

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Cocktails

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Appetizers

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Main Course

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Dessert

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What are your favorite Comfort Foods? Let me know in the comments below or on my Facebook page. I'd love to add to my Comfort Foods menu.

The Best Appetizer You Will Ever Eat

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Yes, I said it. The Potatoskinadilla is the best appetizer you will ever eat. Bold words, I know. But I swear to you, after you eat the cheesy, bacony, crisp tortilla-y goodness of a Potatoskinadilla, all other appetizers will pale in comparison.

My husband and I discovered this incredible concoction -- all the goodness of a potato skin in a quesadilla -- at our favorite local bar, Dogwood Tavern in Falls Church. We were instant uber-fans of the treat, talking it up to friends, bringing out of town guests to try it, rushing to the bar for a late-night fix before closing time. Something about the combination of creamy mashed potato, earthy potato skin, melted cheese and crisp bacon all wrapped up in a toasted tortilla had us hooked. And we weren't the only ones who thought it was great: our brother-in-law, a restaurateur from Chicago, took the idea back to one of his bars!

So imagine our despair that one late night when we showed up and realized that our beloved Potatoskinadilla was nowhere to be found on the new menus. Noooooooo!!!! While the cook is happy to make it for us whenever they have mashed potatoes on the menu, I decided that I should no longer depend on my local tavern to supply my favorite fix. 

A "comfort food" dinner party that I hosted for friends this weekend (check out my blog, "How to Throw a Comfort Food Dinner Party" on Friday) inspired me to figure out the recipe for the perfect Potatoskinadilla. What could be more comforting than mashed potatoes, cheese and bacon in a convenient little pocket? And by George, I think I got it.

Potatoskinadilla

Serving: 1 potatoskinadilla, serves 3-4 people

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Ingredients 

• 1 baked potato, medium
• 2 Tbl butter
• Salt
• Smoked paprika
• 3 pieces thick-cut bacon
• 3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 3 tsp chopped chives
• 1 tortilla, burrito-sized
• guacamole, salsa and sour cream on side

Scrub potato, poke several times with a fork, then bake it in the microwave until tender, 5-7 minutes, turning once. Let potato cool until can handle easily. Cut in half. Scoop out insides leaving 1/4 potato in ONE of the shells. Other shell can be scooped clean and discarded.

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Melt butter in microwave. Brush butter on inside and outside of remaining potato skin. Season inside with with salt and smoked paprika. Cook under broiler, skin side up, for about 4 minutes, until skin is crisp. Dice into small pieces.

Add 1 Tbl melted butter to potatoes. Season with salt. Mash with fork.

Cook bacon in microwave one-and-a-half minutes until cooked but not crisp. Dice into small pieces. Finish cooking in small pan until crisp.

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Lay out tortilla for assembly. Use a butter knife to spread a thin layer of mashed potato on one half of the tortilla. Do not overdue it! You want the flavor of the mashed potato without the quesadilla becoming too goopy. 

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Then add cheese, bacon, potato skin pieces and chives.

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Fold tortilla. Brush outside of Potatoskinadilla with remaining melted butter. Place in a pan on medium heat. Cook until bottom is a crisp brown. Flip and continue to cook until inside is melted and bottom is brown.

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Slice Potatoskinadilla into thin strips. Serve with guacamole, salsa and sour cream. To serve a crowd, triple this recipe and assemble three Potatoskinadillias on a sheet pan. Cook under the broiler.

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In-Between Tip: All my thanks and appreciation go to my favorite local bar, Dogwood Tavern, for inventing this deliciousness. While they may not always have the Potatoskinadilla on the menu, they have incredible Honey Siriacha Wings, phenomenal burgers, and killer Mac & Cheese Fritters to keep me happy. Read all about this great bar in my blog: "Dogwood Tavern: Where Everyone Knows Your Name," and check them out at 132 West Broad St., Falls Church, VA, 22046