7 Tips for Keeping the Fun in Your Marriage

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd re-run this blog I posted a couple of year ago. The lovely couple featured below, Abby and Casey, are married and happy and could now write their own how-to article about keeping the fun in their marriage, if the ridiculous videos they make together while they work out are any indication. Enjoy!

This weekend I’m going to a wedding.

My phenomenal cousin Casey is marrying the woman of any man’s dreams, Abby. He’s a brilliant, funny, artistic, smartass of a guy who’s chosen to remain in his small hometown and teach art to elementary school children. Abby is a kind, patient, peace-filled nurse who loves Casey just the way he is, smartassness and all.

Abby and Casey

These are the kind of people that give you hope in the future of mankind when they come together; the kind of couple that should be required to bring children into the world for the betterment of all humanity.

Yeah, I like this couple. Of course, I want them to stay together forever, but more than that, I want them to have fun together forever.

My blog is about finding fun for GenXers in the DMV, but it’s also about having fun as a partner to someone, when you no longer have the drama and exhilaration that comes with dating. Let’s be honest, it’s not effortless to have a ball with someone you see every night at dinner. It’s much easier to take them for granted.

But what I’ve learned over 16 years of really enjoying the company of the guy I sit across from at dinner – what I hope to give Casey and Abby as they start on this grand adventure together – are a few tricks to maintain the fun with the person you need be having the most fun with. To love, honor and make him obey are indeed important (snicker), but to promise to enjoy each other, to laugh and to explore, those are the things that make marriages the happily-ever-after tales we dream of.

Casey and Abby, I hope for happily ever after for you.

7 TIPS FOR KEEPING THE FUN IN YOUR MARRIAGE

1. Pick a regularly scheduled “date time,” and maintain it on your calendars

You can choose to go out every other Saturday night or enjoy a coffee together every Tuesday morning if that’s all your busy schedules allow. It doesn’t matter when you do it, as long as you prioritize time in your schedule for you to be together as a couple, enjoying each other’s company.

2. Talk about stupid stuff

Every now and then at the dinner table, during a car ride and definitely during your dates, place a moratorium on discussing the mortgage, the dog and who’s driving to soccer practice on Wednesday. Sharing duties on the home front make for great marriages, but sometimes you need to look at your spouse not as your co-chair but as the hot guy or girl you’re lucky to be with. Talk about your excitement for the Star Wars release, reminisce about that one trip you took to Quebec or try to figure out why that apple after your first kiss was the best apple ever created.

3. Embrace what the other person is into

Photo credit: CarbonNYC [in SF!] via Visualhunt / CC BY

You don’t have to LOVE your partner’s interests and you don’t have to adopt them as your own. But you have to give them a try, you have to be supportive of the fact that your partner is into them, and under no circumstances whatsoever can you malign them. Occasionally, people who find football boring should go to the sports bar with their spouse and watch the Sunday game. Every now and then, the person with two left feet should agree to take a salsa lesson with their partner. We think we know ourselves, but one of the advantages of getting married is the chance to see the world through another’s eyes.

4. Take down time

One thing I feel is lost in our competitive, self-guilt-inflicted, go-go-go culture is the benefits of relaxing. It’s hard to have fun and appreciate your partner when you’re totally wiped out. Take time to do nothing; allow your spouse the same.

5. Ask about their day

This sounds so simplistic, but I believe what we want most as humans is to be seen and acknowledged. It’s very easy to take the person you go to bed with every night for granted; it’s also relatively easy to make them know you care. Ask about their day – regardless of whether it’s date night or not – and sincerely listen to their response.

6. Balance the amount of date time spent with friends

Inviting friends along on your date night is highly entertaining and adds the spark of new conversations and insights. However, balance how often your precious couple time is spent in a group. Friends sometimes can be the unknowing bandaid over issues that need to be dealt with in your marriage.

7. Deal with the non-fun stuff

One of the best ways to insure fun in your marriage is to deal with the hard stuff as it comes along. It’s impossible to have fun with someone you resent, and resentfulness – or disdain – only builds when issues are allowed to fester. Deal with the hard stuff as soon as you can; be brave enough to have those hard conversations. This person chose to build a life with you; trust that they accept you – warts and all – and that they want to deal with the hard stuff so that only good intentions, hopeful hearts and fun times remain.

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Happy Valentine's Day from me and my muse! -- Angelina

Resolving to Find the Fun in 2016

Me in 2014.

2015 kind of sucked for me.

I dealt with painful "getting old" back and leg issues, my son was immersed in junior/senior year stress (and we all went along for that ride), and my Dad died. There were many blessings, too: a trip to Vegas, a great writing conference, new clients (yay!), and the continued health and contentment of most of my family.

But in 2016, I want to focus on being happy again. I believe happiness takes a certain level of mindfulness, and I want to be mindful of discovering joy, rather than passively suffering through the misery. At my age, I know joy doesn't consist of just vacations and mani/pedis. True joy is found in your day-to-day, in taking care of your family, partnership, health, work, friends and home.

So, to succeed in this year's theme -- "Find the Fun" -- these are the New Year's resolutions I've made to be responsible for my happiness and to kick the blahs out the door. I only succeed when I'm held accountable, which is why I'm posting them here. I'll blog again in February about how I'm doing.

Family resolution

I resolve to create more moments when we can be together as a family. 

It's amazing, when your children are teenagers, how easy it is to live with people that you never connect with. We're home together a lot, but the boys are working as hard as I am on "the future," and when we're not working, we're relaxing on devices -- I'm as bad as they are. I'm trying to keep this resolution simple, i.e.. accomplishable: I'm resolving to eat more meals at the table and to plan one event a month that gets us out of the house together. I've already got this month's event on the calendar: We're going to the Harper Macaw chocolate factory tour in northeast D.C. Could there be a better lure? And yes, there will be a blog.

Marriage resolution

I resolve to find one new adult event to explore every month with my husband.

My man's a blast, he's pretty much up for anything with only mild convincing, and we have a lot of fun together. But with the stress of last year, we went out less and less, and when we did go out, it was generally to the same place. We both enjoy life with a few surprises, so in 2016, I'm committed to finding the Kennedy Center performances, bourbon tastings and hiking trails that will offer them.

Health resolution

I resolve to feel better.

Resolutions about weight and health are rife with controversy, and I thought long and hard about how to phrase this one. But the thing is, I don't feel good at the weight I am. I think it's hard on my frame. The end of last year was a "eat-and-drink-my-pain" fiesta and in the four days that I've been eating better, exercising every day, drinking more water and cutting back on alcohol, I already feel better. The proof is in the pudding, even when I can't have any.

Work resolution

I resolve to post to social media every day, skill build two hours a week, blog every week, and make a certain amount every month.

As a busy social media manager who helps my solopreneur and small business clients learn, plan and post their social media, I forget to do my own learning and planning and posting. The prime directive I give to all my clients is to take control of their marketing and messaging. And yet, I can let my messaging passively dribble out, too. However, with a child soon in college and a directive about how much I have to make in 2016 from my financial planner, my business and income is something I can no longer be passive about. Need help with your social media resolutions? That's what I'm here for.

Friends resolution

I resolve to entertain more and be more entertaining.

Oh, my lovely friends. Does it feel like your digits are gathering dust on my phone? Friends and their information, advice, laughter and love inject a huge dose of fun into my life, and I will use the excuse, "I'm sooooo busy," no longer. I've already got a couple of gatherings at our house planned -- look for your invite -- but I'm also going to remind myself that seeing my friends does not have to be a production. Over coffee, with a glass of wine, or during a joint trip to Target is a great time to enjoy my friends.

Home resolution 

I resolve to do what our financial planner says.

While being in our 40s doesn't make my husband and I feel any closer to adulthood, we are trying to behave like adults. We finally met with a financial planner at the end of last year, and she has given us our marching orders. It's calming to know we're driving down the road of our financial future with our eyes wide open, rather than squinted shut while hoping everything is going to be okay. It's also nice to know someone is there to help us handle the dips, rises and inevitable potholes. 

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What are your resolutions for 2016? Do you have any suggestions to help me with mine? Please comment below. I need all the help I can get.

And please check in again in February to see how I'm doing. 

7 Tips for Keeping the Fun in Your Marriage

Abby and Casey. Photo courtesy of Ruby Ridge Photography

This weekend I’m going to a wedding.

My phenomenal cousin Casey is marrying the woman of any man’s dreams, Abby. He’s a brilliant, funny, artistic, smart-ass of a guy who’s chosen to remain in his small hometown and teach art to elementary school children. Abby is a kind, patient, peace-filled nurse who loves Casey just the way he is, smart-assness and all.

These are the kind of people that give you hope in the future of mankind when they come together; the kind of couple that should be required to bring children into the world for the betterment of all humanity.

Yeah, I like this couple. Of course, I want them to stay together forever, but more than that, I want them to have fun together forever.

My blog is about finding fun for GenXers in the DMV, but it’s also about having fun as a partner to someone, when you no longer have the drama and exhilaration that comes with dating. Let’s be honest, it’s not effortless to have a ball with someone you see every night at dinner. It’s much easier to take them for granted.

But what I’ve learned over 16 years of really enjoying the company of the guy I sit across from at dinner – what I hope to give Casey and Abby as they start on this grand adventure together – are a few tricks to maintain the fun with the person you need be having the most fun with. To love, honor and make him obey are indeed important (snicker), but to promise to enjoy each other, to laugh and to explore, those are the things that make marriages the happily-ever-after tales we dream of.

Casey and Abby, I hope for happily ever after for you.

7 Tips for Keeping the Fun in Your Marriage

1. Pick a regularly scheduled “date time,” and maintain it on your calendars – You can choose to go out every other Saturday night or enjoy a coffee together every Tuesday morning if that’s all your busy schedules allow. It doesn’t matter when you do it, as long as you prioritize time in your schedule for you to be together as a couple, enjoying each other’s company.
2. Talk about stupid stuff – Every now and then at the dinner table, during a car ride and definitely during your dates, place a moratorium on discussing the mortgage, the dog and who’s driving to soccer practice on Wednesday. Sharing duties on the home front make for great marriages, but sometimes you need to look at your spouse not as your co-chair but as the hot guy or girl you’re lucky to be with. Talk about your excitement for the Star Wars release, reminisce about that one trip you took to Quebec or try to figure out why that apple after your first kiss was the best apple ever created.
3. Embrace what the other person is into – You don’t have to LOVE your partner’s interests and you don’t have to adopt them as your own. But you have to give them a try, you have to be supportive of the fact that your partner is into them, and under no circumstances whatsoever can you malign them. Occasionally, people who find football boring should go to the sports bar with their spouse and watch the Sunday game. Every now and then, the person with two left feet should agree to take a salsa lesson with their partner. We think we know ourselves, but one of the advantages of getting married is the chance to see the world through another’s eyes.
4. Take down time – One thing I feel is lost in our competitive, self-guilt-inflicted, go-go-go culture is the benefits of relaxing. It’s hard to have fun and appreciate your partner when you’re totally wiped out. Take time to do nothing; allow your spouse the same.
5. Ask about their day – This sounds so simplistic, but I believe what we want most as humans is to be seen and acknowledged. It’s very easy to take the person you go to bed with every night for granted; it’s also relatively easy to make them know you care. Ask about their day – regardless of whether it’s date night or not – and sincerely listen to their response.
6. Balance the amount of date time spent with friends – Inviting friends along on your date night is highly entertaining and adds the spark of new conversations and insights. However, balance how often your precious couple time is spent in a group. Friends sometimes can be the unknowing bandaid over issues that need to be dealt with in your marriage.
7. Deal with the non-fun stuff – One of the best ways to insure fun in your marriage is to deal with the hard stuff as it comes along. It’s impossible to have fun with someone you resent, and resentfulness – or disdain – only builds when issues are allowed to fester. Deal with the hard stuff as soon as you can; be brave enough to have those hard conversations. This person chose to build a life with you; trust that they accept you – warts and all – and that they want to deal with the hard stuff so that only good intentions, hopeful hearts and fun times remain.