Resolving to Find the Fun in 2016

Me in 2014.

2015 kind of sucked for me.

I dealt with painful "getting old" back and leg issues, my son was immersed in junior/senior year stress (and we all went along for that ride), and my Dad died. There were many blessings, too: a trip to Vegas, a great writing conference, new clients (yay!), and the continued health and contentment of most of my family.

But in 2016, I want to focus on being happy again. I believe happiness takes a certain level of mindfulness, and I want to be mindful of discovering joy, rather than passively suffering through the misery. At my age, I know joy doesn't consist of just vacations and mani/pedis. True joy is found in your day-to-day, in taking care of your family, partnership, health, work, friends and home.

So, to succeed in this year's theme -- "Find the Fun" -- these are the New Year's resolutions I've made to be responsible for my happiness and to kick the blahs out the door. I only succeed when I'm held accountable, which is why I'm posting them here. I'll blog again in February about how I'm doing.

Family resolution

I resolve to create more moments when we can be together as a family. 

It's amazing, when your children are teenagers, how easy it is to live with people that you never connect with. We're home together a lot, but the boys are working as hard as I am on "the future," and when we're not working, we're relaxing on devices -- I'm as bad as they are. I'm trying to keep this resolution simple, i.e.. accomplishable: I'm resolving to eat more meals at the table and to plan one event a month that gets us out of the house together. I've already got this month's event on the calendar: We're going to the Harper Macaw chocolate factory tour in northeast D.C. Could there be a better lure? And yes, there will be a blog.

Marriage resolution

I resolve to find one new adult event to explore every month with my husband.

My man's a blast, he's pretty much up for anything with only mild convincing, and we have a lot of fun together. But with the stress of last year, we went out less and less, and when we did go out, it was generally to the same place. We both enjoy life with a few surprises, so in 2016, I'm committed to finding the Kennedy Center performances, bourbon tastings and hiking trails that will offer them.

Health resolution

I resolve to feel better.

Resolutions about weight and health are rife with controversy, and I thought long and hard about how to phrase this one. But the thing is, I don't feel good at the weight I am. I think it's hard on my frame. The end of last year was a "eat-and-drink-my-pain" fiesta and in the four days that I've been eating better, exercising every day, drinking more water and cutting back on alcohol, I already feel better. The proof is in the pudding, even when I can't have any.

Work resolution

I resolve to post to social media every day, skill build two hours a week, blog every week, and make a certain amount every month.

As a busy social media manager who helps my solopreneur and small business clients learn, plan and post their social media, I forget to do my own learning and planning and posting. The prime directive I give to all my clients is to take control of their marketing and messaging. And yet, I can let my messaging passively dribble out, too. However, with a child soon in college and a directive about how much I have to make in 2016 from my financial planner, my business and income is something I can no longer be passive about. Need help with your social media resolutions? That's what I'm here for.

Friends resolution

I resolve to entertain more and be more entertaining.

Oh, my lovely friends. Does it feel like your digits are gathering dust on my phone? Friends and their information, advice, laughter and love inject a huge dose of fun into my life, and I will use the excuse, "I'm sooooo busy," no longer. I've already got a couple of gatherings at our house planned -- look for your invite -- but I'm also going to remind myself that seeing my friends does not have to be a production. Over coffee, with a glass of wine, or during a joint trip to Target is a great time to enjoy my friends.

Home resolution 

I resolve to do what our financial planner says.

While being in our 40s doesn't make my husband and I feel any closer to adulthood, we are trying to behave like adults. We finally met with a financial planner at the end of last year, and she has given us our marching orders. It's calming to know we're driving down the road of our financial future with our eyes wide open, rather than squinted shut while hoping everything is going to be okay. It's also nice to know someone is there to help us handle the dips, rises and inevitable potholes. 

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What are your resolutions for 2016? Do you have any suggestions to help me with mine? Please comment below. I need all the help I can get.

And please check in again in February to see how I'm doing. 

Refining Your Going-Out Palate at Capital Wine School

As I've gotten older, my enthusiasm for going out hasn't waned, but my enjoyment of the passive entertainment of a bar, a restaurant or a movie certainly has. Repetition breeds boredom. I want to engage, to do something, to even possibly learn something while I’m spending my pennies out and about in the world.

Wine expert Michael Franz chats with students after class

The Capital Wine School provides the chance for an engaging night out with classes that allow you to meet interesting people, learn something new and taste fabulous wines. 

In Northwest D.C., throwing distance from Bethesda near the Mazza Gallerie, the Capital Wine School offers a variety of two-hour evening classes that explore all facets of wine knowledge. You can learn about Pinot Noirs from different parts of the world or you can explore the characteristics that make the wines of Bordeaux, Tuscany or Washington great. You can even take an introductory class that helps you understand wine better and eases the panic when you’re handed the wine list at a restaurant.

Jay Youmans

The Capital Wine School was started by Jay Youmans who is A) Washington, D.C.’s only Master of Wine and one of only 30 in the U.S., and B) one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. Well known in the wine world, Jay helps to train professionals in the wine industry at Capital Wine School with wine business classes and master classes for sommeliers.

He also taught two beginner classes that I took: Introduction to Wine Basics and the three-part Wine Basics: Comparing Grapes, Regions and Styles. As a newbie, getting instruction from someone with his depth of knowledge was a real honor. But neither he nor my "Secret Spain" wine class instructor, Michael Franz (editor of Wine Review Online and wine writer for the Washington Post until 2005) made me feel like I’d better be glad I was receiving such an honor.

What I’ve appreciated most about the Capital Wine School experience (besides incredible 1 oz-ish tastings of wine) is the lack of the pretension that you can run into in the wine world. Sommeliers, tasting room hosts and – the worst of them all – wine drinkers who fashion themselves "experts" can sometimes be complete butts. But the Wine School’s experienced instructors work hard to engage new wine drinkers, draw out honest opinions and share what they know for the benefit of the student.

The classes are held in a room above a dance studio, so the muted rhythms of salsa or hip hop will sometimes accompany your wine tasting class. Long tables face the instructor and clean glasses are arranged in front of each seat, ready for a pour. These are tasting classes, and while I seldom want to waste the incredible eight or more pours we get, I generally drive there and must get home. Small buckets are available for spitting or dumping your glass, and you’re encouraged to use them, if you’d like. Or you could metro and plan on a nice dinner after.

The classes aren’t cheap at $65-$85 per person for the two-hour tasting courses. But I paid that much for a concert ticket last week, and I certainly walk away from the wine class with more than a t-shirt. The class schedule is limited in the summer, but picks up again in September. I have my eye on two upcoming classes: Comparative Tasting of Pinot Noirs from Around the World on Nov. 29 and Michael Franz’s Eight Favorite Champagnes on Dec. 6.

I’m emailing my husband right now to let him know I’ve got a perfect night out all ready for us.

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Capital Wine School

5207 Wisconsin Ave., Washington, DC 20015

In-Between Tip: Take advantage of the Capital Wine School's location just a couple of blocks south of Friendship Heights Metro station and take the Metro there. Then after your class, try one of the multitude of restaurants this area on the border between Washington, D.C., and Bethesda, Md., has to offer.

Want to discover more interesting and fun going-out activities in the DMV? Make sure to subscribe to In Between in D.C., where I post twice a week about fun things to do for us 40-55-year-old In-Betweeners.

'80s Dance Nights in the DMV

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Millennial enthusiasm for '80s alt-rock

On a recent Saturday night, my husband and I were at Black Cat in D.C., to dance to music we danced to when were dating two decades ago: the ‘80s-alternative music of The Cure and The Smiths. I was shocked at the number of Millennials crowding the place. When the first guitar strums of The Cure’s “Boys Don’t Cry,” sounded, there were cries and a mad rush to the dance floor, kids dancing and jumping and shouting along to a song that came out in 1979, 35 years ago.

Why was I so amazed? Because I couldn’t have imagined dancing to music that was 35 years old when I was in my mid-20s. That would have been music of the 1960s, and would have sounded something like this (I’m not kidding; this was the No. 1 hit in 1960):

Percy Faith, "Theme from A Summer Place"

Eighties and '90s-retro dance nights are plentiful in the DMV and would seem like the perfect option for a fun night out for us In-Betweeners, a chance to embrace our past and dance like we did at prom. However, the popularity of these nights with the under-30 crowd has made me feel a little old and silly at them. And a little…annoyed, like the event has been co-opted by people who think we went around wearing neon all the time.

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Steve EP, The Cure vs. The Smiths, Black Cat

I spoke to DJ Steve EP about this phenomenon. Steve EP, known as Stephen Petix in non-DJ life, was one of the DJs for the Cure vs. Smiths Black Cat event and spins at retro-focused dance events around the area, including the very popular Eighties Mayhem nights, also at the Black Cat main stage.

Steve, who shocked me when he told me he is my age, believes that we didn’t dance to music of our parents because it was so bad. “The music sucked,” he said. “There were pockets of cool stuff – Motown and soul – but for the most part it was really lame. Popular music was terrible before rock and roll.”

The blandness of the music that preceded it is what made the birth of new wave and punk in the late-‘70s and early-‘80s so revolutionary, he said. “These people weren’t trying to be rock stars, they were breaking all the rules." Steve remembers the hardship of being a punk kid in a straight world, of being called ‘faggot’ all the time. A friend pierced her own nose because -- unlike the handy mall kiosks today -- there was no place she have it done. That angst and rebellion and even newness of that music still speaks to kids 30-plus years later.

“When I see a 12 year old wearing a Black Flag t-shirt, I think that’s awesome,” he said. “I’m not in that camp that thinks, ‘I discovered it.’” He's talking about my possesive camp.

In Between Tip: Stephen Petix's dark synth-wave group, Technophobia, is having their cassette release party Saturday, July 19 at Black Cat.

My 80s ensemble. I know. I'm pandering.

Of course, ‘80s alternative isn’t the only thing playing at retro dance nights. Steve thinks its sacrilege to mention Madonna in the same breath as the Cure and Depeche Mode and New Order, but I liked “Oh Father,” and, in retrospect, find her stuff groundbreaking, too. When she came on the scene in her bustiers and rosary beads, nobody had displayed their sexuality like she had. Except Prince.

The concept that the music of the ‘80s was groundbreaking, and that maybe the ground has been broken so thoroughly that it has yet to be supplanted, helps me understand why its been embraced by those younger than me. Helps me elbow my way in and dance along.

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Retro Dance Nights in the DMV

A list of upcoming '80s and '90s dance nights in the D.C.-metro area

(Links aren't working on iPhone 4 and higher. Squarespace says they're working on it.)

Tonight: The Legwarmers: D.C.'s Biggest '80s Retro Dance Party, The State Theatre, Falls Church, VA

Tonight: 10th Annual Pretty in Pink '80s Prom, The Ottobar, Baltimore, MD

June 28: No Scrubs: '90s Dance Party with DJs Will Eastman and Brian Billion, 9:30 Club, Washington, DC

June 28: '80s Dance Party, Tropicalia, Washington, DC

July 2 (Every 1st and 3rd Wednesday): Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Little Miss Whiskey's Golden Dollar, Washington, DC

July 25: Start Making Sense, Talking Heads Tribute w/ HMFO: a Hall and Oates Tribute, The Hamilton, Washington, DC

July 26: Purple Rain 30th Anniversary Party, Black Cat, Washington, D.C.

August 29: MJ Day 2014 - 5th Annual Michael Jackson Dance Party, 9:30 Club, Washington, D.C.

Know of other fun '80s and '90s-inspired dance nights? Let me know about them in the comments below and I'll add them to this list.

#NoAlcohol Blogs

I like the sauce.

I like cocktails and Bourbon neat and a nice Pinot Noir and a cold Bud on a hot day. I like to make herb-infused simple syrups and visit whiskey distilleries and take classes that help me distinguish between a Rhone Valley Syrah and a South Australian Shiraz. I have an academic appreciation for alcohol as well as an appreciation for its soothing effects at the end of a long day.

Part of the reason I started this blog was to give potential employers in the wine, spirit and hospitality industries a sampling of my writing ability. So I’m going to be writing a lot about alcohol; four of my seven blogs have already focused on it. But I've also embraced this mission to discover fun activities for those of us 40-55, and I don't want to give the impression that our fun is dependent on having a drink in hand.

I was in the produce section of Trader Joe’s once. The scent of the limes hit me when I passed them. Instantly I thought of margaritas and relaxing Friday afternoons, and I was flooded with happy endorphins. And while that seems like a fun story, the fact that the smell of a lime made me think of a drink, and the fact that the drink signaled happiness to my system freaked me out. I took a month off of drinking.

There are those In-Betweeners who – because of health or moral reasons, or sometimes, because of a long, hard fight – have decided not to drink. I want this blog to give non-drinking In-Betweeners options as well

My grandmother, the bad-ass drug and alcohol counselor, Mary Lopez

My grandmother, Mary Lopez, is almost two-times her in-between years, but she likes to have fun. She likes to garden and go fishing and play the slot machines and every now and then, she’ll have a beer on the back deck. She's not a teetotaler, but she has every right to be: My grandfather’s alcoholism pushed her into raising six children essentially on her own. She ironed shirts and cleaned houses until the counselors at the Al-Anon meetings she attended noticed she had a real knack at getting people to listen to her. They helped her get her GED and then her degree. My grandmother became a powerhouse drug-and-alcohol counselor in the southeastern Kansas town where she lives.

In honor of my bad-ass grandmother, Mary Lopez, I'm launching the hashtag #NoAlcohol, which will signal blogs that are alcohol-free. (This blog, technically, does not count since I lavishly describe drinks above). Some will be blogs about locations where alcohol is available but not the point of the place, like the 9:30 Club, and I'll need your help in determining if that's okay. I figure I have to give myself that caveat -- we went to Hershey Park recently and they serve beer -- or I'd have very few #NoAlcohol places to recommend. Which reminds me again that In-Betweeners who have chosen to avoid a drinking lifestyle might feel they have limited options. I want to make sure this blog gives them some.

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Favorite #NoAlcohol To-Dos in the DMV

Check out my Pinterest board for more #NoAlcohol to-dos

Union Market - This newly launched indoor urban market near Gallaudet University is brimming with people and vitality, and while some of the cool eateries serve beer and spirits, there are tons of other things -- mini pies from Ris, spices from Bazaar Spices, the incredible Bulgogi Steak Tacos at TaKorean -- to try.

U.S. Botanic Garden or U.S. National Arboretum - While the many free museums of the D.C.-metro area are an obvious choice for an engaging and alcohol-free to do, these two plant-focused museums are a feast for the senses. The Botanic Garden's many-stories-high Conservatory allows you to enjoy the warmth and plants of the tropics in January, and the U.S. Arboretum in northeast D.C. is a 466-acre sanctuary of tree groves and herb gardens and koi ponds.

Victory Comics - This big and bright comic book store in Falls Church is a great way to appease your fandom for a day. Check out the retro-toys near the front celebrating your favorite characters, spend hours perusing through their massive collection of comics and graphic novels, or wander back into the large game room and join a Dungeons and Dragons game.

1st Stage Theatre - 1st Stage doesn't serve alcohol. We know; we headed to the lounge at intermission and were disappointed. But what this theater tucked into an industrial park in Tysons Corner does offer is some fantastic drama and comedy in a black-box setting. We saw "Never the Sinner," a play about the murderers Leopold and Loeb, and were completely awed at the power the play produced with so few actors and props. "Bat Boy: The Musical" runs until June 22. 

Billy Goat Trail - You will find that this 4.7-mile hike along the Potomac River in Potomac, Maryland, is aptly named as you climb up and clamber over rocks like a billy goat. The trail is close-in, easy to get to, very popular, and usually crowded. And totally worth doing. 

For more #NoAlcohol options, check out my ever-expanding Pinterest board #NoAlcohol To-Dos in the DMV

I Hate the 9:30 Club

Listen to my 9:30 Club Mix Tape while readiing this blog.

I do. I hate the 9:30 Club, that mecca to live music lovers in our nation's capital, that pantheon to mournful hipsters or shimmying sorority girls or aging dads in their Bad Brains t-shirts, depending on the night. I hate that large, still-divey venue where I've seen Kings of Leon and Lykke Li and Delta Rae and Cold War Kids and Ray Lamontagne and Old 97's and Bon Iver and Neil Finn and Rhett Miller and Mumford & Sons and Django Django and Timbaland and The Afghan Whigs. 

Okay. Maybe I don't hate the 9:30 Club. Maybe I just hate those two lumbering boy-men, those big boys with scraggly beards and fuzzy hair and heavy-rimmed glasses who were trying to get around me the last time I was at the 9:30 Club. I didn't know I was blocking their way. I didn't know until I heard a, "Umm...excuse me...ma'am."

Ma'am.

In one fell swoop, I went from feeling quite lively and chipper to feeling like someone's mom. And I AM someone's mom (more on that later). But no one wants their mom at a live music show. I knew the intrusion I used to feel when I was a high schooler at the Fillmore in San Francisco or a college student at the Bottleneck in Lawrence, Kan., and saw an "ADULT" in the crowd.

"Everything else is yours," was my sentiment. "Let this be ours."

Haim at the 9:30 Club

But just because a couple of decades separate me from that girl doesn't mean my true, passionate love for music and the musicians who create it has dimmed. My love for sold-out shows has dimmed -- I boogie by the bar to avoid the chest-to-back crowds and keep my drink filled. And my enthusiasm for waiting until 11 p.m. for the main act to go on has certainly waned. But I think I've found a solution to that, too.

The kid

I go to early shows with my kid!

We took our teenager to see the three-sister band Haim at 7 p.m. on a Wednesday (the 9:30 Club is an all-ages venue), and I've got to tell you, passing the torch was cool. He stood with his dad in the middle of the crowd -- he can do that, he's over six feet -- and catching glimpses of the look on his face while those three strong women rocked out seemed like the best reason ever to get pregnant. We took him for the whole night-out experience -- the stroll down U Street, half-smokes at Ben's -- and we were still home by 10!

I guess it's appropriate that the night of the "ma'am" was also the night of my son's first 9:30 Club show, even though I was standing nowhere near him when the boys politely asked me to move my ancient ass. I'm not going to stop doing something that makes me thrive just because it's more appropriate for my son to be enjoying it. I've figured out how to mitigate the annoyances -- go to early shows, stand by the bar, hide behind my six-foot kid. So, no, I guess I don't hate the 9:30 Club.

Unfortunately for a venue that I'm sure is not trying to attract the over-40 crowd, I kind of love the place.

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Recommended 9:30 Club Shows in June for In-Betweeners

(Some shows are sold out but try StubHub for tickets. Enjoy one aspect of being old - disposable income!)

• Tonight - Old 97's (great alt-country twang band with hawt lead singer Rhett Miller)
• 6/3 - Jamie Cullum (amazing jazz pianist turned pop crooner)
• 6/6 - Lady Gaga vs. Madonna vs. ALL the Divas - a dance party with DJ lil'e
• 6/7 - Jenny Lewis (incredible singer, songwriter. And she was in Troop Beverly Hills)
• 6/8 - La Roux (sang Bulletproof, made into a song-demon song in Pitch Perfect)
• 6/14 - Who's Bad: The Ultimate Michael Jackson tribute Band 
• 6/27 - Throwing Muses with Special Guest Tanya Donelly (90s awesomeness)
• 6/28 - No Scrubs: 90's Dance Party with DJs Will Eastman and Brian Billion

Check out my 9:30 Club Mix Tape for In-Betweeners to hear songs from the above bands.

Finding Fun Over 40

Photo by Joey L. / Sentiment from Mentors Channel.

I don’t like feeling old. Growing old? That, I’m okay with. There’s a great meme going around on Facebook about those who have the privilege of growing old. And it is a privilege, one I want to enjoy.

But I don’t want to feel old. I don’t want to feel like I’ve aged past the opportunity for adventure and inspiration and just frivolous fun. I take care of my responsibilities: I’m a good wife and a great mom, I pay my bills, I do my work, I go to bed at a proper time most weeknights, I eat right and exercise. I do all the things I’m supposed to do. So I want to make sure I’m taking the time to do the stuff I want to do.

I fundamentally believe there is value in going out. I always have. When our kids were infants then toddlers, I made a point of getting a babysitter every other Saturday night. I never knew my husband appreciated the effort until our kids were older and a man with toddlers asked him at a dinner party, “So when did you start having fun again?”

I'm actually 39 in this picture. So sue me.

“We've always had fun,” my husband said, as if ‘always having fun’ was the most obvious characteristic of a marriage.

But figuring where and how to have fun as a 40-something? It’s hard. The bar scene with youngsters half your age shouting and drinking and hitting on each other starts looking distasteful. And there’s no greater smack to the ego than being called “ma’am” in a crowded club.

So this blog is about my quest to find places and activities that don’t make me feel old and out of place or -- hell -- even if they do, they’re worth doing. I want going-out experiences that hit some criteria of fun and ease and discovery. That make my friends laugh with the verve we bring out in each other, that make my husband and I appreciate how much we dig each other.

That make me remember that growing old isn’t getting old.