GIVEAWAY: An e-ARC of LUSH MONEY

Update: Thank you to everyone who liked my Facebook page and participated! Ree Cee, a new Facebook follower, was the winner of the e-ARC. Make sure to follow me on all my social media and never miss a giveaway!

Want to get an early copy of Lush Money? I’m giving one away over on my Facebook page. Click the image below to find out what you need to do to enter (it’s painless; I promise!).

LUSH MONEY Now Available on NetGalley

Thrilled to announce that Lush Money is now available on NetGalley. What’s NetGalley? It’s a site that distributes Advanced Reader Copies (ARCs) to book reviewers and other influencers before the sale of the book. These early reviews help develop “buzz” and early excitement for the book.

There have already been some knock-out-amazing reviews from early readers:

Are you excited about Lush Money? You can help keep the buzz up by preordering it here. You can preorder it on many sites, as well as at my local bookstore, One More Page, where you can get a signed copy!

Buzz, buzz, buzz…

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GIVEAWAY: One copy of LUSH MONEY plus four other Carina Press Books

Update: Thank you to all my newsletter subscribers, new and old! DC Evans was the winner. But no worries if you didn’t win; subscribers will be the first entries into many giveaways in the future!

Want to get your hands on Lush Money sooner than later?

On August 14, I’m celebrating the two-month mark before Lush Money is unleashed on the world by giving away a USB with my book as well as four other fall releases from Carina Press authors. On this USB is also Ruby Lang’s highly anticipated August release, Playing House. You’ll also receive some Angelina M. Lopez swag as well as an autographed postcard.

What do you have to do to enter? Just sign up for my newsletter by midnight, August 13. The drawing will be for current subscribers as well as new ones - it’s not a very big list so you have a GOOD chance of winning ;-) Because of the postage, this contest is for U.S. residents only.

I only send out a newsletter once a month and I will never, ever, ever abuse the precious baby of your email address. I will treat it the way I want mine treated — respectfully and preciously! And, as a thank you, all newsletter subscribers get my free sexy short story, The Phone Call.

VIDEO: My reading of LUSH MONEY at Lady Jane's Salon, NYC

Thanks to my phenomenal friend and fellow writer J.T. Bock, I have a video of my reading from Lush Money at Lady Jane’s Salon in New York City. It was an incredible night, reading with debut authors and the incredible Brenda Jackson in front of a full house. It’s about 7:30 minutes and I drop a couple of f-bombs (of course I do). Enjoy!

Like what you heard?

Learn more about Lush Money here.

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Self-Care for Authors at Conferences and Conventions

The biggest annual event for romance authors is the Romance Writers of America’s conference, which took place last week in New York City. I’ve been a member of RWA since 2000 and have attended 10 conferences. You’d think I’d be an expert by this time.

But last week, as a debut author, I felt like it was my first time: I was anxious, stressed out, and mildly miserable. I was taking part in so many firsts – first reading, first signing, first lunch with my editor, first publisher party, etc. – and every moment felt weighty. Every smile felt important. Every impression I made felt like the one that would make or break my career.

AH!!

I didn’t take good care of myself. I drank too much, stayed up too late, didn’t have regular meals, and didn’t take enough downtime. The massive hotel didn’t help the situation: we were waiting up to 15 minutes for elevators, so you had to schedule 30 minutes for what should have been a restful 10-minute break in your room. And food was very hard to access.

Next year, when I attend the RWA conference in San Francisco with the first two books in the “Filthy Rich” series – Lush Money and Hate Crush – I want to do it different. Better. I want to be more centered and less frantic.

How do you take care of yourself at intense conventions and conferences? I asked fellow romance author and friends for their suggestions:

In-room self-care

I splurged and got room service for breakfast twice, and took a hot bath every night before bed. – Mia Hopkins

I take candles that remind me of home and light them nightly. – Aliza Mann

I stayed in my own room this year and that helped because I could decompress alone at night. – Roni Loren

I read for a few minutes before sleep. – Tara Kennedy

I tried to minimize the need to change clothes, RITAs notwithstanding. I was the queen of the denim and black dresses! – Amanda Reid

I made sure to have a refrigerator in my room. – Jordyn Kross

Managing conference chaos

I learned from last year not to try to do everything. Most of the session were recorded & it's worth the investment. If you tend to be introverted, absolutely take a break from all the people-ing. I was able to duck into the PAN lounge a few times just to recharge (saved me from having to use the elevators).- Tarina Deaton

I didn't let FOMO run me too ragged. It was a lot going on. – Lory Wendy

I left sessions that weren’t right for me, once leaving to get some quiet time in the room, so I could feel more centered. I also left the Marriott each day just to get some fresher air. – Ana Coqui

On the 1st day of the conference, I tried to live-tweet my way through every workshop I attended and very quickly realized that I was missing out on so much and exhausting myself in the process. I quit tweeting after that and just listened, and it was SO MUCH BETTER – Christine Parker

Mental self-care

I think the best thing you can do for self care is reflect before you go. What kind of person am I? What part of all this is going to take the most out of me? And then try to be aware of those needs and limitations while you're doing all the things. It's okay to say I need to not do this right now. It's okay to say, I need to meet this person, but the bar isn't going to let me focus on our conversation. Maybe I'll invite her to meet me somewhere else. It's okay to say, I didn't get everything done on my to do list, but I'm inspired and reinvigorated by what I DID get accomplished,...or at least I will be after another nap. – Eva Moore (Angelina’s note: Eva wrote more; it’s such a wise, thoughtful response that I created a separate page for it here.)

Headphones. Because you can only stress so much if you’re dancing. – Luna Joy

After spending so much time, money, and energy to get there, you feel you should be doing and seeing everything, but I've learned how important it is to prioritize what matters most, schedule down time for rest, and pick up recorded sessions for anything I've missed. That, and wear the most comfortable shoes possible to deal with all the standing and walking, even if they happen to be a pair of Skechers slip-on sneakers. – Colleen Thompson

Take time to reset. I like to go to my room and let the quiet envelope me. Appreciate the silence. An hour does wonders to help me recharge when I feel overwhelmed. – Tricia Lynne

Physical self-care

I use the meditation app Calm - it only takes 10 minutes and makes a world of difference. Also exercised (not every day, but even getting in 2 helps!). VERY important to schedule a full day of rest right after - trying to power through will just make you feel worse. – Christi Barth

I managed to stay hydrated, so there's a plus. :) – Xio Axelrod

I did my best to make sure I slept enough. Went to bed at decent hours (even if it meant missing out on some things!) and um, not TOO much booze...– Keely Thrall

I made sure to drink at least 20 oz. of water as soon as I woke up which helped a little. I also tried to go back to my room at least once a day, even for just 20 minutes. – Kelly Maher

Exercised twice, planned alone time during the conference, and took time to rest yesterday. I also had a stash of protein bars and apples in my room. – M.C. Vaughan

Taking a break

I took one half day, and one evening, off. Meaning I left the hotel and did something I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. As a recovering rule-follower this was a big step for me, and a smart one. – Geri Krotow

I didn't do as many workshops as last year. But the people got overwhelming so getting out of the hotel and city for a night helped big time. – Meka James

Food self-care

I think you need to give yourself permission to miss things and purposefully schedule two hour blocks for meals. …Next time I will make sure I have a meal plan, even if it's alone, for every regular meal and make it a priority. – Felicia Grossman

The instant oatmeal and apples I brought was helpful in the mornings to save time and money. – Veronica Forand

Damon Suede recommended this a fantastic FOLDABLE electric kettle:

I ate chocolate cake for dinner one night. Does that count? 😉- Jessica Snyder

I find that grabbing a cup of coffee or even a meal by myself can be a great re-set. Also, carrying an easy snack is great, for those moments when you realize the over-charge is actually incipient hypoglycemia -- a handful of nuts can be a lifesaver!– Mindy Klasky

I made a few Nutella sandwiches to keep my blood sugar up during the day, which sort of helped. – Margot Pierce

Fav protein bars in purse. Carry extras to share. Stock room with snacks and beverages. Always have Throat Coat tea. Have at least one meal a day outside the hotel. – Isobel Carr

Recovering post conference

And take off at least two full days after you get back! One is not enough. – Alexis Daria

One of my unbreakable rules has always been that I never leave on Sunday. I give myself that night to ease out of conference mode and prepare for the inevitable crises waiting at home. – Eileen Dreyer

Hopefully, next year, these tips will allow me to feel as cool, calm and collected as I pretend to be!

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Read First Pages and Preorder LUSH MONEY

I am so glad to finally share with you the first pages of LUSH MONEY, my debut romance novel. Dedications have been written, typeset is complete, and now begins the marketing that hopefully gets this book noticed by readers. You can help: preorders are a big part of getting my book noticed by reviewers, so if you're planning to buy it, preordering it is hugely appreciated. I hope you enjoy this excerpt. It’s long so I put the beginning here and the rest in the link.

Lush Money
by
Angelina M. Lopez

A marriage of convenience and three nights a month.
That’s all the sultry, self-made billionaire wants from the impoverished prince.
And at the end of the year, she’ll grant him his divorce…with a settlement large enough to save his beloved kingdom.

As a Latinx woman, Roxanne Medina has conquered small-town bullies, Ivy League snobs and boardrooms full of men. She’s earned the right to mother a princess and feel a little less lonely at the top. The offer she’s made is more than generous, and when the contract’s fulfilled, they’ll both walk away with everything they’ve ever wanted.

Príncipe Mateo Ferdinand Juan Carlos de Esperanza y Santos is one of the top winegrowers in the world, and he’s not marrying and having a baby with a stranger. Even if the millions she’s offering could save his once-legendary wine-producing principality.

But the successful, single-minded beauty uses a weapon prince Mateo hadn’t counted on: his own desire.

January: Night One

Mateo Ferdinand Juan Carlos de Esperanza y Santos—the “Golden Prince,” the only son of King Felipe, and heir to the tiny principality of Monte del Vino Real in northwestern Spain—had dirt under his fingernails, a twig of Tempranillo FOS 02 in his back pocket, and a burning desire to wipe the mud of his muck boots on the white carpet where he waited. But he didn’t. Under the watchful gaze of the executive assistant, who stared with disapproving eyes from his standing desk, Mateo kept his boots tipped back on the well-worn heels and his white-knuckled fists jammed into the pits of his UC Davis t-shirt. Staying completely still and deep breathing while he sat on the white couch was the only way he kept himself from storming away from this lunacy.

What the fuck had his father gotten him into?

A breathy ding sighed from the assistant’s laptop. He granted Mateo the tiniest of smiles. “You may go in now,” he said, hustling to the chrome-and-glass doors and pulling one open with a flourish. The assistant didn’t seem to mind the dirt so much now as his eyes traveled—lingeringly—over Mateo’s dusty jeans and t-shirt.

Mateo felt his niñera give him a mental smack upside the head when he kept his baseball cap on as he entered the office. But he was no more willing to take his cap off now than he’d been willing to change his clothes when the town car showed up at his lab, his ears ringing with his father’s screams about why Mateo couldn’t refuse.

The frosted-glass door closed behind him, enclosing him in a sky-high corner office as regal as any throne room. The floor-to-ceiling windows showed off Coit Tower to the west, the Bay Bridge to the east, and the darkening hills of San Francisco in between. The twinkling lights of the city flicked on like discovered jewels in the gathering night, adornment for this white office with its pale woods, faux fur pillows, and acrylic side tables. This office at the top of the fifty-five-floor Medina Building was opulent, self-assured. Feminine.

And empty.

He’d walked in the Rose Garden with the U.S. President, shaken the hand of Britain’s queen, and kneeled in the dirt with the finest winemakers in Burgundy, but he stood in the middle of this empty palatial office like a jackass, not knowing where to sit or how to stand or who to yell at to make this situación idiota go away.

A door hidden in the pale wood wall opened. A woman walked out, drying her hands.

Dear God, no.

She nodded at him, her jowls wriggling as she tossed her paper towel back into the bathroom. “Take a seat, Príncipe Mateo. I’ll prepare Roxanne to speak with you.”

Of course. Of course Roxanne Medina, founder and CEO of Medina Now Enterprises, wasn’t a sixty-year-old woman with a thick waist in medical scrubs. But “prepare” Roxanne to…

Ah.

The nurse leaned across the delicate, Japanese-style desk and opened a laptop perched on the edge. She pushed a button and a woman came into view on the screen. Or at least, the top of a woman’s head came into view. The woman was staring down through black-framed glasses, writing something on a pad of paper. A sunny, tropical day loomed outside the balcony door behind her.

Inwardly laughing at the farce of this situation, Mateo took a seat in a leather chair facing the screen. Apparently, Roxanne Medina couldn't be bothered to meet the man she wanted to marry in person.

Two minutes later, he was no longer laughing. She hadn’t looked at him. She just kept scribbling, giving him nothing to look at but the palm tree swaying behind her and the part in her dark, shiny hair.

He glanced at the nurse. She stared back, blank-eyed. He’d already cleared his throat twice.

Fuck this. “Excuse me,” he began.

“Helen, it sounds like the prince may have a bit of a dry throat.” Roxanne Medina spoke, finally, without raising her eyes from her document. “Could you get him a glass of water?”

“Of course, ma’am.”

As the nurse headed to a decanter, Mateo said, “I don’t need water. I’m trying to find out…”

Roxanne Medina raised one delicate finger to the screen. Without looking up. Continuing to write. Without a word or a sound, Roxanne Medina shushed him, and Mateo—top of his field, head of his lab, a goddamned príncipe—he let her, out of shock and awe that another human being would treat him this way.

He never treated people this way.

He moved to stand, to storm out, when a water glass appeared in front of his face and a hair was tugged from his head.

“Ow!” he yelled as he turned to glare at the granite-faced nurse holding a strand of his light brown hair.

“Fantastic, I see the tests have begun.”

Mateo turned back to the screen and pushed the water glass out of his way so he could see the woman who finally deigned to speak to him.

“Tests?”

She was beautiful. Of course she was beautiful. When you have billions of dollars at your disposal, you can look any way you want. Roxanne Medina was sky-blue eyed, high-breasted and lush-lipped, with long and lustrous black hair. On the pixelated screen, he couldn’t tell how much of her was real or fake. He doubted even her stylist could remember what was Botoxed, extended, and implanted.

Still, she was striking. Mateo closed his mouth with a snap.

Her slow, sensual smile let him know she’d seen him do it.

Mateo glowered as Roxanne Medina slipped her delicate black reading glasses up on her head and aimed those searing blue eyes at him. “These tests are just a formality. We’ve tested your father and sister and there were no genetic surprises.”

“Great,” he deadpanned. “Why are you testing me?”

Her sleek eyebrows quirked. “Didn’t your father explain this already?” A tiny gold cross hung in the V of her ivory silk top. “We’re testing for anything that might make the Golden Prince a less-than-ideal specimen to impregnate me.”

(Click to keep reading…)

P.S. Save the date! My book launch party will be Friday, November 8 at One More Page Books in Falls Church, Virginia. Pre-order your book by clicking “One More Page” in the above link, and I’ll sign it Nov. 8! We’ll celebrate with tapas and wine!!

Angelina and "Lush Money" in the Media

Folks, there’s buzz. The cover release for my debut book, Lush Money, has created the faintest hint of buzz. It’s surreal and awesome to see my name mentioned in publications and beside authors I deeply admire. It’s surreally awesome. Here’s a roundup…

Lush Money in Publishers Weekly

I was thrilled to discover that Lush Money was featured in Publishers Weekly at the end of May in an article about upcoming “royalty” stories with a modern tone. To see my cover next to Alyssa Cole’s fabulous A Prince on Paper was really awesome. Also discussed in this article is Casey McQuiston’s massively popular, Red, White & Royal Blue, as well as Jasmine Guillory’s Royal Holiday. You can click the image below to read the full article.

Lush Money in Frolic

I’m hiding deep in my writing cave this week to finish the first draft of the second book in the Filthy Rich series, so I planned to stay offline. Thank goodness I broke my own rule: When I poked my head up on Twitter on Tuesday, I discovered I’d been featured in a Frolic story, “4 Upcoming Romance Novels By Latinx Authors I’m Most Excited About.” Featured along with Lush Money in the article are books by Adriana Herrera, Andie J. Christopher, and Zoey Castile.

Angelina Talking Craft on DIYMFA Interview Series

I gave my first craft talk with Gabriela Pereira for the DIYMFA Writer Igniter Romance Summit. I truly loved the topic: I talked about how to write alpha heroines, how to make them distinctive from alpha heroes, and how their femininity is an aspect of alpha heroines’ strength. My billionaire businesswoman Roxanne Medina taught me a lot about strong women! It will air next Wednesday, June 19, but if you sign up now, you can get two weeks of romance craft from phenomenal authors like Roni Loren, Tiffany Reisz, Jodi Thomas and Heather Graham.

Sign up now to hear episode on Wednesday, June 19

Cover Reveal!!!

The title -- "The Billionaire's Prince" -- was the first spark of inspiration I had back in 2015 during Christmas break, while I was visiting my parents at the vineyard: What if the billionaire we romance writers spend so much time writing about was a woman?

In three-and-a-half years, that spark has grown into a completed book, an agent, a three-book publishing deal, a new title, and, at long last, a cover.

I am thrilled to reveal the cover for my debut novel, Lush Money:

Preorder now available!

Creating a cover is an intricate process of me giving suggestions and then the smart people at Carina Press -- art, editorial, marketing and publicity -- putting together their much-more-experienced heads and coming up with a cover that defines the book and leaps out among a million romance novels.

There are some awesome things that make this cover distinctive from the others on the shelves.

One of the best bits -- they got the woman on top! It's super hard to find stock photographs with the woman in a dominant position. And my self-made billionaire heroine, Roxanne Medina, is certainly in charge of this book.

Initially, I thought our prince, Mateo de Esperanza y Santos, was a little scruffier here than I'd imagined him in my head. But my brilliant editor Kerri Buckley pointed out that in the opening of the book, he's in a baseball cap and muddy muck boots. She said:

"Mateo is a next-gen prince... He’s the winemaker, he’s the man-of-the-people savior, he’s down on his knees in the literal dirt. He’s the one who doesn’t want the throne or all the trappings that go with it. I think that is infinitely more interesting and appealing to depict than yet another guy in a suit."

See, I said they were smarter and more experienced than I am.

Additionally, I love the golden vineyard in the background. So many romance novels fade to black. I think the lush couple and mellow gold scene will make it stick out when people are rushing through thumbnails on Amazon.

The fact that my cover will be one of those thumbnails is a dream come true.

PREORDER NOW AVAILABLE!

New title, release date, and first signing!

For several months, the main push of my publishing journey was writing the second book in my three-book series. But in recent weeks, as Carina Press puts the final touches on my first book to get it ready for publication, the big news has been coming fast and furious. Here’s a round-up!

New title and series title

While I loved the title, “The Billionaire’s Prince”, it was hard to re-create for the rest of the books: The Millionaire’s Rock Star (ugh!), The CEO’s Body Guard (worse!). The wise folks at Carina Press gave the series a title I absolutely adore:

FILTHY RICH

And then christened The Biilionaire’s Prince with its new title:

Lush Money

It’s a cheeky play on words that I think is fabulous and distinctive; distinctive is hard to find in romance titles.

Release Date

I now have the exact date you can get your hot little hands on Lush Money.

Oct. 8 for ebook

Oct. 28 for print

Click here to be notified when Lush Money is available for purchase?

First signing

Those attending the Romance Writer’s of America conference in New York City in July will be the first to get their hands on a FREE download of Lush Money. Carina Press is holding an author signing on Friday, July 26 from 2:30-3:30 p.m. While I won’t have printed copies of my book yet, I will have free USBs of the book that you can download and I will be signing postcards. Please come by and spare this newbie author from sitting there alone with that pained smile on her face!!

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Want to Stay up-to-date on all of My publishing news?

Fight to Win: Inspiration for Writers at the Washington Romance Writers Retreat

On Sunday, April 14, I gave the closing speech for the Washington DC Romance Writers annual writers’ retreat. This is a meaningful weekend for me: since I was a wee-aspiring writer, this weekend was where I learned from bestselling romance writers, mingled with industry heavyweights, and found encouragement among a sisterhood of supportive authors. To be asked to give the closing speech was a knock-me-out honor. I wanted to do a good job for them. I hope I did. - Angelina

Photo credit: Jamaila Brinkley (L), Tara Kennedy (R)

I began the speech by putting on the above glasses and boa, and lip syncing (I know!!!) to the song “Fight to Win” by Goodie Mob. I did everyone a favor by miming only the first verse, then taking the glasses and boa off and promising never to do that to anyone ever again.

That song is “Fight to Win” by the Goodie Mob. You might recognize the singer as CeeLo Green. When I first heard it in 2012, I immediately thought, “That’s a song about writers.” It’s been my writing anthem ever since and I hope I can inspire you with it today.

When the Washington DC Romance Writers retreat organizer called in October to ask me to give the “inspiring” closing speech of the retreat weekend, it literally was the end of the worst week of my life. I put her off, told her that my husband and I were leaving for Kenya in a couple of days and could I call her when I got back. She agreed. But while I was away, I kept thinking, “How in the world can I give this speech?”

This Business is Hard

The first verse says:

I am fighting for the liberation
Of voices with something to say
Like many before me, for glory
You have to stand in harm's way

Well, to give this speech, where I had to stand was in Nora Roberts’s incredibly intimidating footsteps.

I joined RWA in 1998, I joined the Washington DC Romance Writers (WRW) soon after, and went to my first retreat in 2003 or 04. Back then, the retreat was in Harper’s Ferry, at this huge, historical, falling-apart hotel overlooking the joint of two rivers in West Virginia. The bugs and flooding showers were not the draw of the retreat – it was Nora Roberts. Nora Roberts was an active WRW member and would take a part in the retreat weekends, hanging out with the authors, allowing newbies like me to bug her. And Nora would give the closing speech.

Now, during her closing speech, Nora said things newbie-me did not want to hear. Among authors, among friends, she cursed like a sailor in her throaty voice and she talked honestly about that “harm’s way” that authors have to stand in. She told us about the readers who said derogatory things about her books and the media who constantly nudge, nudge, wink, winked her about the sex.

Nora did not sugarcoat things for us. What she did, in this protected space, was tell us the truth. The truth: This is a business. And this business is hard.

• You will write a book, construct the perfect baby, and the first agent or editor or beta reader you show it to will tell you that it’s awful. You will shove it under the bed crying because your characters will never have their say in the world.

• You will do the work and have the deal and put out the books – and you still won’t be able to quit your day job.

• You will write the books and make the money – but because of the color of your skin or the gender of who your character loves or the truth about our world that your character stands for – you will have to fight tooth and nail for what other authors take for granted.

But this is the journey. To write, to liberate your voice and say what your voice demands that you say, you have to fight. You have to fight the demons of racism and bias. You have to fight that interior voice that tells you you’re not good enough, and that you’re not worthy. You have to fight the siren of the fourth season of Schitt’s Creek on your Netflix queue tempting you out of your writing chair.

You have to stand in harm’s way.

Imposter Syndrome

The next verse of the song is:

I’m no savior, just a soldier
Soldier with an order
So I have no choice but to trust the God
Cause it must be done

Now when Angele, the retreat organizer, first asked me to give this speech (at the end of the worst week of my life), I gave this crazy laugh and I said, “Angele, this isn’t imposter syndrome. I am an imposter.”

This ‘worst week of my life’ began with a flare up of sciatica that I thought had gone away. Sciatica is a daunting and chronic back/leg pain, it’s awful and it’s boring. Blah. But I had this flare up a week before I was going to Kenya. Where we were doing a horseback safari.

Now, I began writing as a young woman. Like, of 5. Writing was always that thing I could do and in the fifth grade – as a pragmatic little Virgo – I told my mom that I wanted to be an author but I didn’t think I could make money at it. So she recommended I become a newspaper journalist. I wrote for newspapers and magazines – a story of mine is in the Newseum – but after I had children, I decided I was going to take my long-held adoration and admiration for romance novels out of the closet and start writing them.

I have been writing romance on-and-off for 18 years. Because I was raising kids, I put more energy into writing than publishing. But I worked on plot and character development and the art of ass in chair. I went to retreats and conferences and pitched to industry professional. I made amazing author friends who let me learn from their writing and publishing journeys.

I put in my 10,000 hours and with those 10,000 hours, I wrote a book about a billionaire businesswoman and a modern-day prince with an impoverished kingdom that got me an agent. My phenomenal agent, Sara Megibow.

But when Angele asked me to give this speech, I was a once-young writer who felt old with her sciatica, who had an amazing agent and book I believed in, but no publishing deal. I was an imposter to believe I could stand here and give you this speech.

But the thing about being an imposter…aren’t we all one? We make up people and towns and universes to trick readers into feeling good. If that doesn’t make us all frauds, I don’t know what does. And in this industry – and I would argue, in all of them – no one feels like they’ve “arrived.” The written-a-book writer wants to publish. The published author wants to earn out. The earning out author wants to make a list. The list author wants it to happen again.

None of us are saviors. We’re all soldiers with an order. And that awesome, awful, inspiring, pain-in-the-ass order is to overcome our imposter syndrome every day and say yes to the words, because it must be done.

Courage and Foolishness

The next verse of the song is:

You should be proud for the courage
The courage to think out loud
You’ll find your way it you’re foolish enough to be faithful

Is there any better way to describe a writer than someone full of courage and foolishness?

Three days after the flare up of my sciatica, I got a text from my agent. “Can I give you a call?” she asked. The events of the previous year had inured me to bad news, so I was ready and not ready when the phone rang. Sara said, “Angelina, I’m just going to say it, your three-book deal fell through.”

See, at the beginning of the worst week of my life, when the sciatica flared up, I had a three-book deal. It was my first deal, and I thought I’d squeaked under the wire to have my first publishing contract before I turned 45. Not so. The publisher decided that he no longer wanted to publish romance. Sara suggested that we both have drinks and we’d coordinate a plan of attack in the morning. I hung up, fell face first in the couch, and my two teenaged sons took amazing care of me until my husband got home.

I’ve been a member of WRW for 18 years. And because of all this knowledge I’ve gleaned from WRW authors willing and enthusiastic to bolster unpublished authors, I knew that this is what happens. Deals fall through, editors leave in the midst of your revisions, and agents sign you then drop off the map. It’s a business, and it apathetically and indiscriminately breaks your heart. But what I also learned from WRW, from going to these meeting and talking to these authors, is the foolishness to be faithful. WRW preaches the resiliency of continuing to do it. What I learned here helped me believe that no matter what happened, I could still make this career a reality.

Every writer who is struggling: Be proud that you have the courage to think out loud. You have the courage to put to paper and show to people what so many others can’t. So many people have the idea to write a book or they’re going to write a book or they’ve written half a book. You’re writing a book or you’ve written a book. You have the courage to think out loud and the foolishness to be faithful.

It's Surely Not Impossible

The final verse is:

Believe me, it won’t be easy
But it's surely not impossible
And if they won't listen
Save your breath and save yourself

Sara’s call was on the Thursday of the worst week of my life, so Friday found me at a commiseration lunch with my girlfriend, one cocktail in, plenty more planned, when my phone rings. It’s my 20-year-old son’s psychiatrist. She asks me if I can come pick him up because she’s not comfortable with him leaving alone. As my friend is driving me to the psychiatrist’s office, I say, “Can you imagine if the worst news I get this week ISN’T the loss of my 3-book deal?” It was prescient. The psychiatrist was doing some testing with my son, and she said that his feelings of hopelessness and self-harm were so high, she wasn’t comfortable with him leaving alone.

My incredibly intelligent, successful, plans-to-be-a-physicist son came home second-semester of his freshman year in college because he was suffering from social anxiety disorder that we didn’t know he had. Essentially when he has to deal with issues that trigger his disorder – for my son that’s professors and peers, classwork and emails – he is flooded with chemicals that tell him he is facing a bear. That anxiety-ridden fight-or-flight sensation then gets paired with, “Everyone else can do this. Why am I such a freak? I must just be a bad person.”

Him coming home changed the straight-and-narrow path he assumed for himself, the path my husband and I assumed for ourselves, and sent us into a journey into mental health that we are still on. There are great days and there are real bad days. And this day, at the end of the worst week of my life, was obviously the worst.

The weird thing is, once that scary word of suicide was out there, it released a pressure valve for him. He talked to a crisis counselor and his therapist, we all worked together with his therapist to come up with a plan when or if this happens again, and he changed medications. Most importantly, he didn’t feel alone anymore. And I was able to stop tip-toeing around this concern that had been making me short of breath since he’d come home, and get the language for how to deal with it.

What in the world does this have to do with writing?

All of this – handling the first real trauma of our little family, realigning what we thought our lives were going to look like, navigating our country’s fucked up mental health system to get our son the help he needed – happened while I was writing Lush Money (previously called The Billionaire’s Prince), editing Lush Money, submitting Lush Money, getting an agent for Lush Money… My professional life was shooting fireworks while my family life was tough.

I’ve been in this organization long enough to know how much trauma and disarray and heartbreak authors deal with while they’re writing happily ever-afters.

So on the Monday, after a week of constant pain, a loss of 3-book deal, and my son suggesting the worst thing a mother can imagine, Angele calls asking me to give an inspiring closing speech.

Of course, I said yes.

Because as unlikely as it was, as inappropriate as it was for me to even consider giving it, the request for me to give this speech was a ray of sun. It was the light at the end of the tunnel. It was the courage and foolishness to believe that, since this was the worst week of my life, things could only get better. Right?

I am sciatica-free, my son is taking three classes at NOVA with plans to take a full course load in the fall, and in February, I signed a three-book deal with Carina Press. My first book, Lush Money, will come out in October.

Believe me, it won’t be easy
But it's surely not impossible
And as soon as you see sunlight again
Get up and fight to win.

Thank you.

Pics from an incredible retreat weekend

Me and Keynote Speaker Alexis Daria

Saturday night dance party! Photo credit: J.T. Bock

Alisha Rai, Gigi Thomas and Alexis Daria

Lunch with author friends

Keynote speaker Alisha Rai

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